The Preacherman says, "My advice to you is to get yourself a gun and learn how to shoot." The Gunman says, "My advice to you is to get yourself a Bible and learn how to pray."

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Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Archive from August 1, 2007

Entry for August 1, 2007

Every day there are great numbers of needless deaths because your elected officials do not have the fortitude to institute the ban needed to save lives. The body count rises daily. Until a total ban is in place, the bloody carnage will grow and bodies will be stacked in the morgue like cordwood. Heed my words.

What do you hear when someone honks a car horn? Do you hear the horn as the voice of the other driver saying, “Excuse me, I hate to bother, but I believe you need to be aware of my presence,” or do your hear “WATCH OUT YOU PUSS GUZZLING SPAWN OF A WHORE”?

When you honk at some antisocial types, what they hear is you saying “I NEED TO BLEED! KILL ME! COME ON, KILL ME RIGHT HERE AND NOW!” They often will be most accommodating.

Of all of the money the government wastes on studies, as far as I know they have yet to study the effect car horns have on people. I speculate that ninety percent of all road-rage incidents begin with the puff on the old horn. It is time to BAN THE HORN! Before you dismiss that idea as bullhonk, consider the following. How many times do you use a car-horn to avoid an accident versus using it to insult other drivers? Come on now; be honest about it with yourself. Only once or twice in your entire life of driving is the horn used to help avoid an accident. The balance of your honking is pure horn abuse. When you honk, the horn is your voice and the thoughts in your head are full of great malice. All horns sound like four letter words, and you have a full vocabulary readily available on the steering wheel. “MOVE IT MOTHER-HONKER!”

In reality, I am aware that a horn-ban will never work; that some judge will rule that honking-off in public is a form of free speech. So be it. A kinder gentler car-horn needs to be developed. Something that sounds friendly and polite, and less like death howling from your bowels.

If the angry horn cannot be eliminated, maybe we can offer drivers incentives not to toot. I propose a big honking tax. The government can work with the automakers and the cell phone companies to rig high-tech gadgets in every motor vehicle. Give a toot and your bank account is debited ten bucks. Lean on the horn for a full second and you just blew twenty bucks. A nice long complicated sliding scale of penalties; the hornier you are, the more you pay. The politicians will love the idea, citing your health and welfare as the motive, all the while dreaming of green.

Please, no angry emails telling me to get honked.

Thanks for listening,


James A. Zachary Jr.

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