The Gunslinger said, "My advice to you is to get yourself a Holy Book, then learn how to pray."
The Preacherman said, "My advice to you is to get yourself a gun, then learn how to shoot."
The Politician said, "My advice to you is to get yourself free of superstitions and weapons, then learn how to trust in me."


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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Entry for February 14, 2008

This winter has been quite an adventure. During one of our many snowstorms, I followed a yuppie in a Maserati for about five miles. That car may be great on dry curves at 180 MPH, but it purely sucks trying to go in a straight line on snow at 15 MPH. The bozo driving it looked to be drunk or demented and had absolutely no control of that fine machine. Everyone else on the road was giving him a wide berth; no one wished to explain to an insurance agent how he managed to squash a Maserati. I am not sure what kind of a yuppie fool would drive a Maserati during a blizzard. This fool did finally pull into the parking lot of an upscale restaurant. I speculate he was trying to impress his fur clad, elegant looking young lady friend by driving that excellent car and treating her to some exquisite dining. She unquestionably could not have been impressed with his driving skills. Still, I hope he got lucky for his efforts.

Another example of a grand lack of common sense is riding a bicycle in winter. I am not talking about the poor folks that have no cars and need some means to chug to work; they do what they need to do. I am talking about the yuppie slobs who somehow find it fitting to take recreational rides along slick dark roads narrowed by rows of plowed snow. Yes, the yuppie boneheads have a RIGHT to do it. It is plain idiotic and inconsiderate that they exercise that right during near emergency conditions.

For the first time in days, the roads are clean down to the pavement. The municipalities have already used up their road salt reserves. Yesterday morning the roads looked deceptively good. Soon I came across one SUV in the ditch, then another, and another. There were cars stuck in snow banks for as far as the eye could see. Luckily, I felt the ice in time and was able to stay safe. I have owned four-wheel drive vehicles since the days when only lowlifes would drive them. I learned at an early age that four-wheel drive on ice is no better than two-wheel drive. When yuppies discovered four-wheel drive vehicles, the SUV was born. The yuppies and their larvae crashed so many of the SUVs that the insurance industry had to raise the rates for the whole class of vehicles. Expect another rate increase very soon. There have been lots of upside down SUVs this winter.

Remember guys, today is Valentine’s Day so don’t forget to buy some over-priced dead flowers for the one you love. For all of you beautiful women who suffer through this stupid “holiday” alone, or have a love that has no love in his heart, just remember that all of us guys are good for nothing, cheap shallow pigs who only want to tell you lies, get you naked and jump your bones. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Stay warm, drive safely,

James A. Zachary Jr.


Lisa Lane said...

I liked this one best....you were not overcome with sentimentality...you dealt with the serious issue of the day and got on with it....just kidding...hi.

James Zachary said...

Hi Lisa. Thanks for stopping in and peeking at the archives; you put a smile on my face.

Happy Valentines day to you and Wirecutter!