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The Gunslinger said, "My advice to you is to get yourself a Holy Book, then learn how to pray."
The Preacherman said, "My advice to you is to get yourself a gun, then learn how to shoot."
The Politician said, "My advice to you is to get yourself free of superstitions and weapons, then learn how to trust in me."
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Monday, March 1, 2010

Redistribution of weight

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It probably has been over two decades since my weight crept over the 200 lbs. mark. My peak weight was 240 lbs., but mostly I drift between 210-225 lbs.; currently I weigh 210, which still is arguably 50 lbs. too heavy. I’m not overly tall so the extra weight does not fit my frame; people rudely stare when I march past them on the beach while wearing my man-thong and open-carry holster with the long barrel .44 magnum.

I quit drinking soft drinks, I quit drinking beer and booze, I quit eating ice cream, chocolate, pastries, and junk food, but the bathroom scale seems stuck. My short, puny doctor laid it all out straight for me last year; he said my main problem is that I am not active enough and that the excess fat is killing me. Damn.

In case you think that the above is a preamble to a bold declaration of my new life replete with discipline and exercise, you can forget about it. Doc said the fat is killing me, not the inactivity. Therefore, I’m making a considerably charitable public offer to donate my surfeit fat for transplantation into needy, underfed, skinny folks; all I ask is payment for the cost of my liposuction.

You all know where to reach me.

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2 comments:

Murphyfish said...

Hello Zach,
Just picked upon your blog whilst passing comment on Albert's welcoming him back from his stint in the war torn East. Your blog is kinda interesting so, if you don’t have any objections, I’ll tag along for a while.
Regards,
John

James A. Zachary Jr. said...

John, I am very honored to have you stop in.

Many thanks.