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Blogging to you from the Northeastern Badlands of The County of Lake, in the state currently known as Fatmanistan, DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP inside the heartland of the Banana Republic formerly known as the USA, WELCOME TO THE NEXT CHAPTER! WARNING! ALL FORMS OF SOCIAL MEDIA ARE ADDICTIVE; EXCESSIVE USE MAY LEAD TO MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS, REDUCED JOB PRODUCTIVITY, INSOMNIA, SOCIAL ALIENATION, GENITAL ULCERS, BLINDNESS, POLITICAL EROTICISM, AND / OR DEVIANT FUNAMBULISM. NOTICE: NO GUNS OR AMMUNITION ARE FOR SALE VIA THIS BLOG. (No, I will not trade my Colt Python for some lubricious adventures with your trophy wife and a future first-round draft pick.) CAVEAT: This blog is not suitable for viewing while at work, while inside a public library, while inside any public or private school, or while inside any public or private restroom. Do not view this blog while driving a motor vehicle or while piloting an aircraft. Viewing this blog may be illegal inside the EU, NYC, Chicago, Seattle, and other parts of the Third World. THIS BLOG CONTAINS (albeit often very childish) ADULT-CONTENT. DISCLAIMER: This blog is a hobby, it is not a livelihood. Even though much of what I blog about relates to firearms collecting and recreational shooting, I am not an expert (by any measure) on any facet of guns, shooting, hunting, or personal defense. Entries at this blog are akin to good old-fashioned campfire chats or post hunt bourbon-fueled barroom-bluster; I offer no opinion on what you should or should not purchase, or what you should be using or doing. What does or does not work for me could be rugged-country-miles away from your tastes and your needs. All products, places, and miscellany that I review for this blog are purchased / rented / leased at retail price by me. I do not accept payment, gifts, discounts, freebies, products on loan, distilled spirits, recreational pharmaceuticals, plea-bargains, probation, parole, Papal Blessings, Presidential Pardons, or sexual favors for doing any review or blog post. TRACKING COOKIES: Google et al stick tracking cookies on everybody. If you are online, you are being spied on via one method or another, for one reason or another; 'nuff said. You may be able to minimize your online DNA residue by using Tor and Duck Duck Go. Vive la liberté! Vive all y'all! Ante omnia armari. To each of you, thanks for stopping by!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day 2011

.

“Buy her diamonds,” say the commercials on radio, television, and the internet. Cram it, it ain’t gonna happen. I don’t care how much these commercials try to shame me into feeling cheap or unsuccessful, there ain’t gonna be any Valentine’s Diamond. Nor will there be a new Lexus in the driveway, wrapped in a gigantic heart-shaped red ribbon.

Many women, if not most, hate Valentine’s Day. Not having a significant other, or having one who doesn’t deliver a gift, can be painful. Valentine’s Day is a cruel day of angst. Even if she has a love, and he has righteously shown up with a dozen roses year after year, eventually she will wonder why the loser hasn’t bought her a Rolex like Mr. Successful in the TV commercials.

The only guys who enjoy Valentine’s Day are trying to get laid. Most guys hate Valentine’s Day. Roses can jump to $100 a dozen in some areas, and giving the obligatory heart of chocolates is cliché and considered cheap. When she says she doesn’t want anything, you guys best know that you had better show up with something, and you had better hope she did not see that damn Lexus commercial.

The legend says St. Valentine died by execution. I am sure it wasn’t just revenge for womanizing. Once Valentine started giving out the gifts, he was doomed; the other men knew women would expect gifts forever. If Val had discreetly jumped from bed to bed, he would have died a worn out old man. Nope, he just had to start handing out his flowery business cards. The horny little bastard got what was coming to him; that short, fat, bald, incontinent hit man named Cupid put an arrow through Valentine’s cheatin’ heart.

We now need to find out if the fool that started Sweetest Day is still around, and if he is, we need to lynch his sorry ass.

With eternal love, and all of that other saccharin rot,

Your Valentine,

Zack

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By at

4 comments:

  1. Helene BurnettFebruary 14, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    Happy Non-Material Valentine's Day to you. I enjoyed your "rant" on manditory gifts. Guess I'm lucky that Art and I surprise each other with gifts for no reason, so V.D( Wow! Didn't realize what the abbreviation would come out as!) is no-stress. The little things (not jewelry) help to make the world go round.Sounds sappy, but it works. My last surprise? A wood handled Winchester pocket knife,a useful beauty.
    Buy discount chocolate tomorrow and chomp those hearts to relieve angst! Lindor truffles are best; a surprise Art enjoys, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Arthur B. BurnettFebruary 14, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    Greetings from Texas,
    Personally, I like the chocolate for Valentine's tradation, mainly because I like chocolate. When you give a girl a big box of chocolate, it's only good manners for her to share. I know it's chocolate I'm going to like, because I bought it.

    Like Helene was saying, we tend to find gifts throug the year that the other will like. For that matter, why wait for some point in the future to give it.

    I don't care for the "Shamed into giving a gift" mindset either. Gifts should come from the heart, not peer presure.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Z@XFebruary 14, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    Heh! That brings back a fond memory of a tender moment. About a couple of decades ago on a Valentine's Day I handed my first wife the traditional box of chocolates... and she announced she wanted a divorce... she did however keep and eat the chocolates...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Arthur B. BurnettFebruary 15, 2011 at 12:27 AM

    Greetings from Texas,
    Now see, if you were from Texas you would have told her she had to choose one or the other.

    ReplyDelete

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