Thursday, January 26, 2012
Study concludes that all you smart peoples are more better than us dumb folks
Yep, this here study cain’t be wrong ‘cause, heck, I found it on the scientific part of the Internet. That there is proof in and of itself, for certain!
Now, I don’t want you to think for one-down-home-second that I am proud to be locked solidly on the left-hand side of the IQ bell curve, but there is just no denying it. My sainted Ma and Pa used to shake their heads sorrowfully and mutter “there’s sumpin’ wrong wit dat boy” each time the schoolteachers would show them where I sat on the curve as opposed to where my classmates were perched. I took several tests during my adulthood and found that there was little change in the score from my early days. One testing firm even sent me a letter of consolation, fully refunded my fees, and offered a list of low-skill vocations that I could pursue. By golly, I did find employment in many of those recommended fields. However, no matter where I worked, everyone was always much smarter than I was.
Peculiar as it may seem, during my long life I have never met any man or woman who ever claimed to have an average IQ. Everyone except me has tested near or above the genius level. Never in all the decades of my adult life have I won an intellectual argument; during an encounter with any of you well-lettered folks, a simple switch from your sophisms to your IQ score instantly vanquishes me. There just ain’t no denying that those smartness-score-numbers tell the whole truth and, nope, it don’t bother me none. Face it, without me being all dummied up, you smart folks would have nobody to feel superior to. Besides, I find my two digit IQ score easy to keep track of. All you brainy folks with the three digit IQs can’t seem to keep them straight; on one online forum I documented a participant bragging his score up in multi-point-increments over several different threads, from a low of 147 all the way up through 265 (which he defended as a typo). Then there was the time when an out-of-work school administrator, bored by the tedium of standing in the checkout line at Sam’s Club, hooked me into a political debate. After offering two different IQ scores during the argument, in a fit of frustration he whipped out a card from his wallet “verifying” his membership in an exclusive club of super smart people called “Mensatruaters” or some such. Goodness sakes alive, there just ain’t no sense in me arguing with that kind of authentication. All I could offer was my voter’s registration card, to which he snorted, “Dumb people should not be allowed to vote!” In spite of my humiliation, it was an honor for me to brush up against such greatness. The last I saw of him, he was wandering around the parking lot trying to remember where he had parked.
As far as being racist, I freely admit to my not trusting anyone outside of the human race. Those little green Martians have such big heads that you just gotta know that all they ever think about is sticking their probes inside of our earth women! Stop them Martians before it is too late or they will pollute our gene pool so badly that all of our children will be born looking like Newt Gingrich. Mark my words!
Overall, I suppose what puzzles me the most is why things never seem to get any better with all you smart folks running things. When y’all come up with an answer that can make some sense to someone of such a simple mind, you can find me here, snoozing on the shady side of the tree of knowledge, patiently waiting for whatever comes my way, whether it be horny little green Martian women, sagacity, or the delivery of a twelve-pack of cold beer.