Friday, April 18, 2014
Billionaire Michael Bloomberg plans to ride a camel through the eve of a needle straight into Heaven.
Move over, Elon Musk. Your rocket to Mars is nothing compared to this!
I have to tip my hat to Bloomberg. That shriveled old runt sure does aim high. Imagine how much clout and wealth it must take to bribe God. All the bullies who once beat his skinny ass on the playground should now cower in awe; Michael Bloomberg has become the ultimate bully and may even plan to dethrone The Almighty!
I now stand vindicated; Bloomberg has fulfilled a prediction I made as a child during Vacation Bible School. To me, all a rich man had to do to get his camel through the eye of a needle was to use his wealth to build a really big freaking needle; problem solved; time to rewrite the Bible.
Anyway, since my lifetime of blasphemous contraventions (and my membership in the NRA, SAF, and ISRA) guarantees that my camel is humping straightaway toward the barbecue-pit of eternity, the only way I will know whether little Mike’s scheme to breach the Pearly Gates succeeded will be by his absence in perdition, which my eternal soul would find just heavenly.