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The Gunslinger said, "My advice to you is to get yourself a Holy Book, then learn how to pray."
The Preacherman said, "My advice to you is to get yourself a gun, then learn how to shoot."
The Politician said, "My advice to you is to get yourself free of superstitions and weapons, then learn how to trust in me."
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Friday, April 18, 2014

Billionaire Michael Bloomberg plans to ride a camel through the eve of a needle straight into Heaven.

Move over, Elon Musk.  Your rocket to Mars is nothing compared to this!

I have to tip my hat to Bloomberg.  That shriveled old runt sure does aim high.  Imagine how much clout and wealth it must take to bribe God.  All the bullies who once beat his skinny ass on the playground should now cower in awe; Michael Bloomberg has become the ultimate bully and may even plan to dethrone The Almighty!

I now stand vindicated; Bloomberg has fulfilled a prediction I made as a child during Vacation Bible School.  To me, all a rich man had to do to get his camel through the eye of a needle was to use his wealth to build a really big freaking needle; problem solved; time to rewrite the Bible.


Anyway, since my lifetime of blasphemous contraventions (and my membership in the NRA, SAF, and ISRA) guarantees that my camel is humping straightaway toward the barbecue-pit of eternity, the only way I will know whether little Mike’s scheme to breach the Pearly Gates succeeded will be by his absence in perdition, which my eternal soul would find just heavenly. 


6 comments:

Borepatch said...

Quote of the week

James A. Zachary Jr. said...

(blush)

thanks Ted



Pumice said...

I don't know how you VBS teacher responded but I think God is still laughing at your solution to the problem. Understand that is just my opinion. God has not sent me a telegram about it.

Grace and peace.

James A. Zachary Jr. said...

Pumice, I recall that Baptists back then had absolutely no sense of humor, or tolerance for critical thinking. VBS was indoctrination.

Take care,

Zack

Erin Palette said...

What if we liquefied the camel with a high-speed blender, and then using a small-gauge needle and a pressurized pumping system we injected the stream of liquid camel through the needle's eye?

That would work, right?

Pumice said...

Zack, Not just Baptists and back then. Much of the world has no sense of humor. I had my observation and evaluation recently and after telling me that my sense of humor really connected with the students I needed to be careful because many of them did not understand. I think the problem was more that she did not understand.

And Erin, I like your solution. Maybe you could bottle the result and start a health food line.

Grace and peace