I have gift giving down to a script that I keep on my computer; everybody on my list gets the same thing every year; they all get cash with a greeting card inside an envelope adorned with a gay little bow. Some get more cash than others do but they all get the same thing; cash, money, currency, dinero, call it what you will, but it saves me from wasting my time buying crap that nobody likes. My greetings read, “Here is some cash, now get off your lazy ass and go purchase some crap that you really like. This is hard cash; this is not a sissy gift-card to a store or restaurant that sells crap that is below your standards. Cash is very pro choice! Go choose where you buy your own damn crap! All kinds of crap will be on sale the day after Christmas. Your Christmas cash buys more! Think of whatever you buy as value added Christmas crap.”
After the obligatory festivities of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, we enjoy a few months of sweet freedom before another season of gluttony, guilt, and greed begins. Next year I expect the stores to start running Christmas sales on July 4th.
Bah Humbug to all y’all. Hey! That felt good. Lemme say it again. B A H ! H U M B U G !